Founder’s Testimony
Establishing a Christian faith and marriage restoration ministry, is a lot less about my personal situation than it is about what the Lord revealed to me about marriage, divorce and remarriage as I sought comfort and answers in the Bible while going through a divorce and then again many years later. That’s when I first realized I didn’t have a clue about God’s one flesh covenant plan for marriage, much less my scriptural role as a wife. By then, my divorce was final and I had very little contact with my husband. Despite what everyone but God would consider impossible odds, I still felt led to honor my marriage vows and stand for the reconciliation of my marriage. That included almost nine years of no communication after my husband moved out of state, with no idea of what was going on in his life or where he was; which changed quite unexpectedly when he called me last January (2005) for the first time in nine years. While I’d like to say taking such a stand was easy or that I never wavered, I’d be lying, and anyone going through it would know better! In fact, I can’t tell you how many times I cried out to the Lord, asking Him to give me the release I desperately wanted, especially since I believed adultery provided justification for it. However, God’s perfect plan and His grace also include forgiveness, even for adultery, so no matter how weary I’d get and no matter how much I’d rebel, the Lord ALWAYS brought me back to the conviction that I had to stand for my marriage; no matter what.
Several months after we started communicating again, my husband turned to me for support and encouragement during a difficult time in his life and God used that time to lead him to the Lord, which was a dream come true for me, and when the Lord first put it in my heart to write a book about standing for marriage. But as the result of my personal struggles and how my faith was being tested at the time, I felt unqualified to seriously consider it. Then in the space of less than twelve hours, I saw three different preachers on television responding to women’s questions concerning their marriages, and I was shocked to hear what they said. All three women were separated or divorced, and believed that it was biblical to stand for the restoration of their marriages, and they all admitted that they still loved their husbands. Yet ALL three of them were berated and ridiculed, and strongly encouraged to get over it; to get on with their lives, or told that it’s okay to get married again because adultery is not the unpardonable sin, and God is a God of second chances! I couldn’t believe my ears! I was furious and wanted to write to them and tell them how unbiblical their attitude and advice was, but the Lord told me to use that as the basis for my book instead, regardless of my own situation, and that He wanted me to take a stand for ALL marriages; not just my own.
Around that same time, my husband unexpectedly revealed how much he cared for me, which created a lot of confusion for both of us; because he was planning to marry a woman he had been living with for over six years. He later concluded that he was just confused about his feelings because I was the one who led him to the Lord. And now there’s no earthly reason to expect the reconciliation of our marriage since he was asked to stop communicating with me. But the Lord expects me to be obedient and trust Him, no matter what, so I followed up on the decision to go forward with the book, and then later with this ministry, because I knew that was the only way to release God’s divine power to work in my life and marriage. And my husband was the one who actually helped name the ministry, and only requested one minor revision when I sent this for his approval before including it here.
Going forward with the book required a lot of research, and it didn’t take long to discover that there is very little agreement among Christians concerning what the Bible teaches about marriage, divorce and remarriage. Even though I didn’t think there was any doubt about it, I soon learned that there’s a wide array of opinions from one extreme to the other, and everyone is convinced they have the right answers. While most everyone attempts to support their position with scripture, it is often taken out of context or used with total disregard for other Biblical teaching. But since God’s word can never accurately be interpreted to mean anything inconsistent with the rest of the Bible, I found it easy to dismiss most of the opinions because of the double talk and verbal contortions required to reach their conclusions. However, other opinions, also quite contrary to my own, were not so easily dismissed, because they appear to be correct when taking what the Bible states very literally and without consideration of all of the relevant context, especially as it relates to remarriage.
At the time Jesus reaffirmed God’s original plan for marriage as a one flesh, life long covenant ((Matthew 19:4-9)), anyone caught in adultery was stoned to death; freeing the surviving spouse to remarry after the death of the spouse who committed adultery. And Jesus left NO doubt about how He feels about divorce and remarriage, because in Matthew 5:32, He said “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” Jesus obviously expected the woman to get married again, probably because He knew it was necessary for her survival, and even though she had not committed marital unfaithfulness and it was her husband who divorced her, He still called her an adulteress. Then in Matthew 19:9, Jesus very simply and emphatically stated “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Since we know God created Eve, because He said that it was not good for man to be alone, and the Bible teaches that it is better to marry than burn with lust or be tempted into sexual immorality ((1 Corinthians 7:2, 9)), it seems reasonable to believe that God somehow reconciles that with His Word concerning divorce and remarriage now that adulterous spouses are no longer put to death. While the Bible clearly teaches that marriage is a one flesh covenant relationship created and upheld by God, and that no one should separate what God joins together, it seems reasonable to believe that the Lord, through His infinite grace and mercy, would bless a subsequent marriage when one’s spouse has committed adultery, especially if a spouse has remarried, even though we know He ALWAYS prefers forgiveness and reconciliation. However, anyone dealing with this issue should diligently seek answers from the Lord through intense Bible study, prayer, and fasting.
That was very important to me personally, because my first marriage ended in divorce after sixteen years, and my husband got married again a few days later. The divorce recovery program at my church taught that I was free to remarry because of his remarriage and adultery, but I didn’t plan to ever get married again. Then when I fell in love with my boss, I thought it was okay for us to get married. It’s natural to wonder if I had known then what I know now, if my second marriage would have ended in divorce. I don’t think so, but more than likely, I probably wouldn’t have married again in the first place. The fact that I did, and everything I’ve learned as a result of it, is what brought me to the understanding I have today, so I can honestly say that a part of me does not regret what I’ve learned through what has been a very painful experience. It has certainly proven that what Satan meant for evil, God can and will use for good, and for His glory.
Even though I thought my second husband was saved when we got married (he had been baptized, etc.), by the time our marriage ended, I knew that was not true. Even so, I still found it difficult to accept the commonly held opinion that the Bible releases a Christian to remarry when an unsaved spouse divorces them, based on 1 Corinthians 7:15, which says But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. If that’s what it means, why would the very next verse say How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? And accepting that interpretation means disregarding (or explaining away) a lot of verses that say otherwise, including what Jesus said in Matthew 19:9. And then there’s Romans 7:2-3, which says For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. And 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
So based on everything I read in the Bible about marriage, divorce and remarriage, I concluded that God did not put me here on earth to keep marrying one person after another, and I was convinced that it was God’s will for me to remain unmarried or be reconciled to my husband AND that the Lord could work through my faith and obedience to save him and restore our marriage. I was further convicted that living in peace when an unbelieving spouse leaves (not necessarily an “unsaved” spouse), meant that the long and nasty court battle our divorce turned into, because I fought so hard for the support I was legally entitled to, was terribly wrong on my part. So I decided to stop pursuing the very substantial court ordered support my husband owed me. And I have more recently come to understand that being “called” to live in peace when our spouse leaves us is a lot more about the choices we make to do that for ourselves by choosing to live with thanks and contentment in all circumstances than it is about the Lord releasing us.
It never ceases to amaze me now to see how the Lord was working in my life even when I didn’t realize it. I’ve always been legally blind, but lost a lot more vision in recent years, and had to sell the business I had owned for a long time. Then the more I tried to generate income, the deeper I got in debt, so declaring bankruptcy was my only option, which I hated. Meanwhile, God had been orchestrating all of the circumstances that led my husband to call me the very same day I signed bankruptcy papers…after all of those useless years I had tried in vain to get him to pay what he “owed” me and had only stopped in obedience to the Lord! That day, when I came home from the lawyer’s office, he had left me several phone messages, and besides being totally shocked, I couldn’t help being amused by how he acted like it was just a normal, every day occurrence for him to call, when I hadn’t heard from him in nine years. Even though he indicated that he wanted to resolve our financial issues, I didn’t feel like talking to him, especially since I had recently posted information about him on the internet that could cause him a lot of trouble. But he was not angry as I expected, and very persistent. And the morning after I finally talked to him, he sent me a substantial sum of money and later paid off my credit cards so I didn’t have to declare bankruptcy. And we worked out a new settlement agreement; all without an attorney or going through the courts. Soon after we acknowledged how we felt about each other and he indicated that he was still going to marry his girlfriend, I felt led to release him from that agreement, especially since he had followed the advice I had given him and made a very substantial monetary commitment to resolve another situation he needed to deal with. But he said sending me the money was the right thing to do and what he felt the Lord wanted him to do, and continued to support me for a while after that. Nobody but God could do all of that, and it’s a perfect example of how God works when we take a step of faith and obedience, because I still couldn’t pay my bills and wouldn’t have the money to start this ministry, if it hadn’t been for the financial support my husband provided during those months. In fact, that money is just about to run out, so it would be very easy to question (in my flesh) the wisdom of doing that, or my husband’s sincerity, but that would be walking by sight and not by faith as God calls us to do. Besides, how could I ever forget that God arranged for my husband to call me the very day I signed bankruptcy papers after not hearing from him for over nine years! God is ALWAYS faithful when we trust and obey Him!
As if that was not enough, God was not done yet! While doing research for my book, I found a marriage restoration website where I finally learned what standing for marriage restoration was all about, and how important it was to totally release my husband, and the importance of fasting. Then the day after completing my first three day fast, I was listening to a woman’s restored marriage testimony when she said something about her divorce being invalidated by a technical glitch. That definitely got my attention, because my husband had told me months earlier that his girlfriend thought we were still legally married based on what our divorce papers said, which I had told him was crazy. So I decided to read the two court orders in question again, and after reading them, I had to agree with her. The last order that reinstated our original separation and property settlement agreement did not void or amend the clause in the original agreement stating that there wouldn’t be a final judgment of divorce until a lump sum settlement was paid in full. And it didn’t state that the dissolution of our marriage remained in effect, which probably means our final judgment for divorce was set aside or vacated when our original separation agreement was reinstated and ordered to be in “full force and effect.” In addition to that, the final judgment was probably even void on it’s face, because it clearly stated that my husband had failed to pay certain funds as specified in the mediated settlement agreement, which is what set aside our original separation agreement in the first place as long as he complied with its terms, and which is what stipulated that we would proceed with a final hearing. I found case law indicating that those are all valid issues, so I believe we’re now more likely legally separated than divorced, which my husband will need to address before getting married again. I sent him an email to that effect and assured him that I’d cooperate with whatever he needed to do, but when he called the next day, he didn’t seem that concerned about it and said he didn’t see how it mattered unless I intended to pursue it in some way. It’s been over six months since that conversation and he still hadn’t talked to an attorney the last time we communicated about it. I know the eventual resolution of my marital status is entirely in God’s hands, but I doubt very seriously my husband would be saved today, and I know the work God has called me to in this ministry would not be possible if I had not first sought God’s will and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and then decided to trust and obey Him no matter what. In the meanwhile, I will focus on the things God has put in my life to do today, while I put my faith in Him, absolutely certain that He will work out my marital situation for my good as He promises in Romans 8:28.
When seriously seeking God’s will and guidance concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage, we have to start with a clear and accurate understanding of what the Bible teaches about it, and the following Bible study is one of the most comprehensive sources of information I’ve found on the internet that most closely represents what the Bible teaches concerning divorce, and remarriage without adding to or taking away from it. Therefore, I strongly recommend that everyone dealing with this issue read Divorce And Remarriage, which is a very in depth Bible study about marriage, divorce and remarriage from Gospel Way. It’s quite long and detailed, but well worth the read because it is very informative and provides a sound biblical understanding of the important issues and choices you now face. Once you’ve read and studied this article and have verified it by reading the Bible for yourself, please seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit as you take on the difficult and challenging task of standing for the restoration or reconciliation of your marriage, especially when you’re the only one seeking marriage restoration. This is a matter of serious spiritual warfare, and the only way to have the faith and endurance necessary to win the battle is to have total confidence that you are walking in God’s will, and that you have heard from Him concerning the restoration of your marriage. Then you can rest on His promises and walk in His grace and anointing power.
I don’t believe the lasting restoration or reconciliation of any marriage is possible without first restoring our relationship with the Lord. Almost all of God’s promises are conditional, and they are all based on our relationship with Him and our obedience to what His word teaches. If we fail to love Him more than anything else and put Him first in our lives, if we fail to seek Him and His righteousness, if we fail to commit ourselves to His ways or if we fail to simply trust and obey Him, and put our confidence in Him, we can not rely on His promises; such as all things working together for our good, providing everything we need, giving us the desires of our hearts, and protecting us from all harm and hidden danger. I firmly believe that we have to have a right relationship with our Lord and Savior before our relationships with our husbands/wives or anyone else will be right. That’s why FAMM focuses first on the restoration of our relationship with the Lord, then our recovery from the pain of divorce or trouble in our marriage through forgiveness and renewal in Christ, and finally the restoration or reconciliation of our marriages.
It is my sincere hope and expectation that many who participate as FAM Fellowship members will discover the foundation, support and encouragement needed to restore and strengthen their walk and relationship with the Lord, recover from the pain and disappointment that led them to our site in the first place, and then through to the glorious day of sharing their own restored marriage testimony to encourage those who come after them.
In His Love, Linda Wattu, FAMM’s Founder.
(Proverbs 21:30)
All Bible verses are from the New International Version unless otherwise indicated.