Recent conversations with several FAM Fellowship members revealed that they still struggle with overcoming learned or conditioned responses to their spouses, which is a deadly deterrent to marriage restoration. So that’s definitely part of the past we have to leave behind in order to press on and take hold of all that God has for us in the future, just as Paul wrote about in Philippians 3:12-14, which says Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Most of us are quite familiar with that passage, but when we take the time to really meditate on it, there’s an awful lot in it that pertains to letting the past go and giving our spouses a clean slate in terms of our interaction with them. First, just like Paul, none of us are perfect and we never will be; but we have been called by God and predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, as confirmed in Romans 8:28-30, which says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. Obviously, that is something we can’t do on our own, so we have to rely on God’s promise to do it for us. And we do that by remaining in the Word and allowing ourselves to be transformed by the renewing of our minds as Paul teaches in Romans 12:2, which says Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. And without reading the Word, we can’t possibly know God’s good and perfect will or for what purpose Christ took hold of us! And that’s the ONLY way we’ll EVER have the faith we need to DO what God has called us to do (Romans 10:17)!

One of the most important aspects of what Paul teaches us in the above passage for those of us standing for marriage restoration is that we have to FORGET WHAT LIES BEHIND! And one of the reasons so many struggle with doing that is a lack of genuine and heart felt forgiveness, which is discussed in great detail inBehold I Will Do A New Thing, a previous post about the fact that forgiving DOES MEAN FORGETTING; because we’re called to forgive others as God forgives us. And one of the reasons we have such a difficult time forgiving and forgetting is because we aren’t willing or able to show others the same mercy God shows us, even though we’re also instructed to do that as well. What About Mercy? is another previous post about forgiveness and letting go of the past. The links included are no longer valid, but the Bible references sure are powerful.

Letting go of the past and refusing to react negatively as we previously learned and were actually conditioned to do in response to just about everything our spouses said and did is absolutely necessary if we’re ever going to obtain the restored marriages God has planned for us. And the ONLY way to do that is to genuinely forgive them and to extend them the same kind of mercy God has so graciously given to us.

Fortunately, identifying and understanding our “conditioned” responses goes a long way toward helping us overcome them and leave them behind as we learn a new and better way! And one of the most powerful examples of a conditioned response that helps us understand how they affect and hinder us is an actual experiment I learned about in college. Anyone familiar with fleas knows that they are amazing little jumpers! But when they are put in a jar and the lid is placed back on the jar; after jumping a few times and hitting the lid, they keep jumping, but just high enough to avoid hitting the lid. Well, after a certain amount of time, when the lid is removed and they could jump out of the jar; they don’t even try! They just keep jumping only high enough to avoid hitting the lid! I’m sure that sounds familiar to a LOT of us; if not ALL of us! We became so used to acting and reacting a certain way with our spouses that even when we and/or they have changed, we continue to act and react the same way! And that’s got to stop, because we can’t have the new relationship God has planned for us by continuing our old ways of interacting and responding to our spouses. But the good news for all of us is that we CAN change and learn a new and better way, because as Jesus declared in John 15:5; “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. So just like Paul, we have to press on toward the goal of marriage restoration to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus! Apart from Him, we just can’t do it, but when we remain in Him and abide and rest in the power and promise of His Word, we can bear much fruit and we CAN do ALL things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13)! And when the devil comes to tell us we can’t change and we can’t learn a NEW way, we can send him packing by simply believing and claiming the awesome assurance we have in 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. And when we remember that, we can’t help being blessed and encouraged!

(Note from Linda: I have a strong sense that this is a very significant message for someone today. So I hope and pray that you’ll be blessed, and encouraged to unlock and open the door and receive the glorious blessings Jesus is just waiting to pour out into the abundant life He came to give you. John 10:10)

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“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20

The Lord wants you to know this morning that it’s time for you to open some doors in your life (heart) that you have had closed to Him for quite some time. I know this message is for many people. Some of you have closed the door to certain areas in your life because of fear- fear of what He’ll ask you to do, fear of the unknown, fear of failure or rejection. Some of you have closed the door because there is sin in your life that you aren’t willing to let go of so you are trying to hide it behind a locked door. Some of you have locked God out of certain areas because you are angry at Him- you feel He let you down, didn’t meet your need, allowed something and you are confused as to why. Some of you can’t forgive yourself for past sins, failures or mistakes, so you keep a locked door in your heart. Some of you have been so badly hurt by someone that you find it easier to just “lock the door”.

Whatever it is that you have locked up inside of you needs to come out, but that can only happen as you unlock the door. You need to let the Lord heal the hurts that are locked up inside of you. You need to give Him access and free course into every area of your life. The thing that you are protecting behind a locked door is keeping you “locked up and locked in” instead. Let the Lord give you freedom today. Open the door- every door- to your heart. He stands knocking waiting for you to open.

Have a great day. It’s time to remove all locks and open widely all the doors of your heart to the Lord .

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Coffee Break is a morning devotional written by Lorraine Ezell, and available online and sent by email free of charge for the asking from About the Master’s Business Ministry, Inc.

So please feel free to call Lorraine at (601) 833-5278 or E-mail her at mastersbusiness@bellsouth.net
And you can visit her on the web at MastersBusiness.org.

One of the most influential passages of scripture when setting up FAM Ministries was Revelation 12:9-12, which says “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”

I have no idea how many times I read that same passage before reading it one day as I was contemplating FAMM, but when I read it that time, it had a very profound effect. I just couldn’t comprehend that the word of our testimony could ever in ANY way, shape or form be equated with the blood of the Lamb; yet there it was! And as I thought about a bit more, I realized how it works. Obviously, we know and understand the awesome power of the blood of Jesus as our Lord and Savior, but if not for the word of our testimony, others might never know about it. So the devil was and is defeated and overcome by the Blood of the Lamb, but it’s by the word of our testimony that others know that and turn to Him for the salvation and deliverance He provides! And from that time on, I knew that sharing the word of our testimonies would be a very important part of the ministry and that we could and would rely on the power of our testimonies to overcome and defeat the devil as he comes to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families. But there was no way I could have ever imagined then just how true that would end up being! We have truly seen lives transformed as hearts and minds have been changed through the supernatural power of many testimonies shared on the private pages of the FAM Fellowship website.

It’s always amazing to witness the profound impact the word of one person’s testimony can have in the hearts, minds and lives of so many others! And the fellowship members were blessed to witness that again last night when one of the ladies shared a powerful testimony of how the Lord has worked in her heart and life and how the devil tried to come to steal, kill and destroy JUST before the manifestation of her breakthrough and the restoration of her marriage! And since it is such a powerful testimony and had a VERY profound effect on so many of our members, I requested and received permission to share it here so others might be blessed by it as well. And I expect to have additional testimonies to share that were posted in response, so the devil is most certainly being overcome by the word of this testimony! And we praise God for it because we know that it will be used for His glory and hope and pray that all who read it will indeed be blessed and encouraged by it! (Names and other personal information have been omitted.)

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Don’t Give the Enemy a Foothold!
I wanted to write a post about the importance of staying true to God’s word, no matter what. I know standing for the restoration of our marriages fills our heads with happy thoughts of not being alone, and always having that someone special in our lives once we can claim restoration. But we need to make sure that the motive for our stands is not to cure the loneliness, but that it’s a matter of morals, and doing what God told us to do, no matter how our circumstances look.

When my husband first left, I hated being alone. I couldn’t eat or sleep and although I was a few months pregnant, I actually lost ten pounds in about three weeks. I would go to bed at 4:00am, and wake up at 6:00am and just clean my house. I was wearing myself thin with the kids, and would often let my youngest one sleep as long as he desired because I was emotionally drained and physically tired; yet so overwhelmed that I couldn’t rest. And as much as I wanted my husband to come back, I really just wanted “someone.” As a matter of fact, the enemy had put it in my head that God was removing my husband because I was too good for him…whoa! Pride overload! I believed that his sins were so great, that God wanted me to be with someone better…PRIDE!

Well, about that time, I began telling everyone that I was giving him one year to straighten out and that if he didn’t come back by then, than I would start dating again. I didn’t want to be alone; and I didn’t know how to live alone!

Well, fast forward to now, and I can see that my motives back then, even desiring to have my husband back home, were based on the fear of being alone. I didn’t want him to return because I loved him, or because I vowed to be with him in good times and bad; I didn’t even want him back to be able to honor God, because after all I had allowed Satan to tell me “God was protecting me from him.” Instead, it was selfish motivation that made me completely infatuated with my husband to the point of refusing to let him go.

But God spoke to me quickly and taught me so much and so fast that by the time I came to this ministry last July, I was ready to look at my self for my faults, and seeing what kind of wife I truly was. It was certainly a hard process to go through, but as I began transforming into the woman God created me to be, I also began to love my husband with the most amazing, truly unconditional love. All of a sudden, everything I had done in the marriage to break it down seemed to erase the hurt and betrayal I had felt. And I knew if God was going to forgive me, I had to forgive my husband entirely.

The feelings of loneliness were stripped away from me and I was able to enjoy the best relationship with the Lord that I have ever experienced. I now know God in ways I never even imagined. My stand became a real true stand; I was standing on the rock of Jesus for not only a restored marriage, but to have my husband’s heart turned back to the Lord too. I could go on forever explaining all the wonderful things that began to happen in my life once I recognized His call on my life and marriage, but you can all read the archives for that.

Instead, I wanted to let you know that right before my miracle phone call from my husband the day he said he wants us to be a family again, Satan tried to tempt me with thoughts of a new relationship. A neighbor of mine, who I consider a friend, told me that someone she knows had seen me in passing and was interested. Now, at that point in time, I had not had a guy look at me to check me out since my husband, and even he had not showed any attraction to me since the day he left. It was easy for me to be flattered, but I needed to remember that it is only my husband’s attraction to me that should make me start blushing; I am a married woman. So I explained that I wasn’t interested, and left it at that.

God showed me a reward that I will never forget, because the very next time I saw my husband was the day he checked me out! That was the day I wrote about in a previous post just a few weeks back. All that time and he had never laid eyes on me like that!

But, I was still about to face another test. The following Friday, my neighbor called and said that she and her boyfriend were going to a comedy club, and they were going with the guy who was interested in me and he wanted to know if I wanted a night on the town! She insisted that we can just go out as friends and have a good time together, but that would be it. For about half a second my mind said “Go…” and then the other half of that second was “NO!” Thank you, Lord! I said “NO” and it was that next Monday that my husband first indicated that there was a significant change in his heart, which was followed by my miraculous phone call the very next Friday!

But as you can see, I had given the enemy a foothold all that time. I said that if after one year…” (which would have been about one month ago), my husband was not back, I would start dating again. And all of this happened within weeks after the one year mark of our separation! I know that God allowed the test so that I would see how He had transformed my own heart, because had an opportunity like that presented it’s self when I was full of pride, and so self righteous, I know I would have fallen. And that’s just it; our spouses have fallen because they truly do not know what they are doing. We really are not any better than them, and it is only by God’s grace that we are not right where they are. Once my eyes were opened, I was able to do the right thing! I thank God for the work he has done to change me and my heart, because no matter how good I may appear to another person, I am still a filthy rag in front of God, and yet He chooses to wash me clean and declares that I am as clean as freshly fallen snow!

It is so important that we do not let the enemy have a foothold in our lives. Let’s make sure our motives are pure, and that they line up with God. And never forget that it is Satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy BUT it is Jesus who has come to give us life and life more abundant (John 10:10)!