Two very significant and important verses of wisdom and instruction for all of us to rely on as we stand for the restoration of our marriages are Proverbs 3:5-6, the meaning of which The Amplified Bible makes very clear, because it says Lean on, trust be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

Unfortunately, one of the most consistently harmful things I’ve seen men and women standing for marriage restoration do is lean on their own understanding, because that causes a lot of totally unnecessary problems and it ALWAYS makes our situations worse, and NEVER better. We’ve really had some great life lessons about that in the fellowship in the past week through some awesome testimonies and praise reports verifying that reality for the prodigal spouses were far from that believed to be by their wives. We have to remember that the devil is ALWAYS going to do his best to convince us that the very worst case scenario possible is reality, but almost ALL of the time, nothing could be farther from the truth. As we’ve come to say it in the ministry, there are facts and there’s the truth, and no matter what the facts are, the only thing that counts is the truth and power of God’s Word. And since Satan always tries to make everything look so much worse than it is, we have to learn to avoid that pitfall by focusing on the positives and ignore the negatives. We all have to choose whether or not we’re going to magnify the positives that glorify the Lord or the negatives which tend to glorify Satan’s plans and purpose, and we certainly don’t want to do that. So no matter what we see and hear, we have to TRUST the Lord with all of our hearts as we do our very best to acknowledge Him in all we do by walking in accordance with what the Word teaches. And THEN we have God’s assurance and promise that HE will make a way where there seems to be no way and that He WILL show us the way to go!

I really appreciated the way Bob Steinkamp’s message today reveals the importance of understanding that what appears to be a negative really isn’t, and it’s a very good example of why we have to avoid the pitfall of leaning on our own understanding. Besides discounting the truth and power of God’s Word and that His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, because they are so much higher and different, this is a great illustration of why we can’t afford to lean to our own understanding – because more than likely, the explanation and understanding we come up with based on the facts, or what APPEAR to be the facts, is just about ALWAYS wrong! Most of the FAM Fellowship members who have talked to me a few times have probably heard me say that it makes no sense to try to make sense of something that makes no sense! So read the following “Charlyne Cares” from Bob, and be blessed and encouraged, and you can sign up to receive these daily messages of encouragement from Bob and Charlyne by email at this link.

“MY SPOUSE HATES ME EVEN MORE NOW”

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” John 3:19-20

We often have men and women tell us, “My spouse hates me more now than on the day we divorced.” Today let’s look at a couple reasons why this could be true.

The most common basis for this statement is that you represent light. You represent Christ. You represent good and pure things. By now, Charlyne and I pray that you can acknowledge that your prodigal spouse has been taken captive by Satan. The actions and antics that you are witnessing, and being victimized by, only seem to be carried out by your beloved. He or she is acting on the will of the Enemy himself.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I Peter 5:8

This will be review to most people, but someone today has had their eyes opened and needs to understand that you or your spouse opened a door, be it ever so small, that allows Satan into a life and into your marriage. It could have been flirtation leading to adultery. Perhaps it was social drinking leading to alcoholism. How about looking at and reading the wrong things, until there was an addiction to pornography. Regardless of the root cause, it only takes a crack for the enemy to enter. After that, it will always take more and more and more to satisfy.

We had an old aluminum backyard tool shed. It had endured one too many hurricanes. For six months, our shed listed to one side, just enough to leave a large crack at the bottom of the door. We finally had a new, but smaller, plastic shed put in place. The crack at the bottom of the door was gone. A few evenings later, Charlyne was looking out the back door at our new shed, illuminated by a security light, when she screamed for me. A small possum was walking back and forth along the front of the shed, looking for his entry place which was now gone. That animal was looking for an opening to get into our belongings and to do damage again. Who would think that such a critter could be found in the middle of a city!

Another reason your spouse may dislike you even more after divorce may be because your prayers are a threat to their sinful lifestyle. In fact, every thing you stand for is a threat to their pigpen lifestyle. Only two hours before we remarried, I was telling Charlyne we could get a marriage license, if she would stop praying for me. I wrongly associated every problem I had with being the results of her prayers.

This leads into the third reason your absent spouse may seem to dislike you even more now. Since your beloved took flight, hopefully, you have been growing spiritually. Your mate may see the difference and feel threatened by your spiritual leadership. I must confess to having been there and doing that also. Little did I know how willing my wife was to step aside and allow me to re-assume the spiritual headship of our family.

I pray you can understand what a threat a stander, walking with Christ seems to be to their prodigal mate. You do not need to announce to anyone how godly you have become. There will be a certain confident, peaceful manner about you that will demonstrate to everyone who comes in contact with you.

This brings us to one more reason that, sadly, some prodigals seem to demonstrate hatred toward a mate who is standing with God and praying for Him to restore the marriage. It is difficult to express in a tactful way, but a few people allow their faith walk with Jesus to become their trophy. They are always ready to almost beat their spouse over the head with their well-marked Bible. They know exactly what their prodigal needs to get their life straightened out.

When God is speaking to a prodigal spouse, that person needs some wiggle room. We may even start toward home and then turn away in anger. Right then, in our confusion, we prodigals are watching to see what buttons we have pushed in the one who says they are “standing.” I truly believe our marriage was restored, when it was, because my wife had de-activated all her buttons that I had previously pushed.

False starts toward home by a prodigal spouse are not uncommon. Each false starts either brings that person closer to home, or pushes them further away. What makes the difference? How the prodigal’s spouse responds to the false starts.

Charlyne and I have two goals for every man or woman who is seeking marriage restoration God’s way. We pray that each person praying for a prodigal spouse could be two things:

SERIOUSLY STANDING - Not following the examples of others, nor doing what other people say to do to see a marriage healed, but developing an ever-increasing daily walk with Jesus Christ, and listening to His voice for their direction.

READY FOR RESTORATION - We have asked before, but are you ready for your prodigal to show up in the next five minutes? If not, you will be one of the people who contact us saying, “My spouse just called and is on the way home at this moment. What do I do next?”

Even though it has been over 20 years since we divorced, I still cannot believe the things that I put my family through when I left home. Back then, if Charlyne were judging by my actions, she might have thought that I hated her more after our divorce, and especially after someone else was in my life.

Satan, the enemy of our marriage, might have had me acting that way, but I never stopped loving my wife. The twinges of guilt over what I was doing began to surface, and like most prodigals, my way of handling it was to turn on my wife. I thank God that Charlyne’s reactions always demonstrated to a confused prodigal husband that my wife was ready for restoration.

Are you?

“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” I Peter 3:15

Blessings,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.®
Post Office Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061 USA
Rejoice Ministries

Bob’s books are available in the Stop Divorce Christian Bookstore.

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Posted Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 at 11:57 am in Seeds Of Faith.